Almost divorced single mother to a toddler, oversharing about emotions, my vagina and anything that has pissed me off lately (probably men, sometimes toddlers).
Fountains Abbey had a choir in the undercroft for New Years Day, unfortunately I had to miss it to go exploring but after too many days stuck at home or soft play centres we were ready to be outdoors for a bit and I happily walked where I was told to.
Sparklers in the garden
Self explanatory New Years Day fun ✨
Abbey House Museum
Here we are ordering a pint at a mock up pub. I quite enjoyed the fake Victorian shopping street but Emily mostly wanted to run in circles around glass cabinets displaying these nightmare inducing dolls.
I like how appropriately horrified the doll at the back is.
(And it was only £6 for both of us…yay!)
Eureka
Unsurprisingly much more fun on a weekday afternoon in term time without huge numbers of children walking around.
They do have a lot of adults with severe learning disabilities who come to play while it’s quiet. One of which would not stop swearing and it was fairly amusing watching the stress it caused the staff, which definitely encouraged more swearing from the perpetrator who was having a great time.
They also close at 4 which is an excellent way to leave at an acceptable time without inducing a tantrum…but still enough time to get the post 2pm cheap cake and coffee offer in. Bargains make me happy.
Laynes Espresso
I had been meaning to come here for a while and oh my gosh it was good.
Happiness.
Leeds Art Gallery
I’m no art expert but wandering around a huge old building looking at paintings is a lovely way to pass an hour on a Sunday afternoon.
Smeds and Smoos at York Theatre Royal
At just an hour this suited Emily’s (and my) concentration span but with all the fun of a trip to an old theatre
Feeding the squirrels at Museum Gardens
A detour to the car park via Museum Gardens became an afternoon of fun. We walked past a very friendly young man as I incorrectly explained to Emily that a (very chirpy sounding) noise was a bird. But he jumped out of the bushes and whispered it was a squirrel and we all crept up to it and it was so happy it nearly ate out of the friendly stranger’s hands.
Then the friendly man offered me a whole bag of peanuts to feed the squirrels on the way through. I felt mean taking a whole bag from him but we took a good handful and had lots of fun feeding the squirrels …so I definitely need to remember to bring some on our next trip to York.
This was a pretty good day out for £7.40, if I had used logic that Tropical means hot and dressed us both accordingly.
10/10 as I love a bargain
New Thing 35 : Billy Bob’s Ice Cream Parlour
We did this twice this year, once in the summer which was painfully slow getting our food served however the play barn was a great escape from the sun whilst enjoying some fresh air.
Then we also went in December, I put a request through to eat inside the American school bus which was lots of fun and the brunch was wonderful (beef brisket with fried onions, peppers, potatoes and eggs) and the service was great….but obviously the play barn was really bloody cold.
Either way we will definitely keep going back so 9/10
New Thing 36 : Williams Den
So much fun.
Basically a soft play that isn’t soft, a huge play area made of wood with an indoor sand pit and stream running through.
It feels like the fun of an outdoor play area without the inconvenience of getting cold and wet and dirty. But they also have a big outdoor play area if you do actually want to get cold and wet and dirty.
10/10
Bonus points for the cafe with a wood fired oven serving great pizza.
New Thing 37 : Harewood House at Christmas
Very traditional and nice to walk around, but not as exciting as Castle Howard’s Narnia theme apparently was 8/10
New Thing 38 : Christmas afternoon tea at Harewood House
Appropriately fancy with caviar and a pine needle cake which actually tastes like pine needles (a good thing) and here is the menu:
All round very nice but I would knock off a point as it was a bit cold and the music was annoyingly low so there wasn’t the atmosphere I would have liked.
9/10
New Thing 39 : Christmas lunch at The Owl in Hambleton
This fit our criteria for a decent priced three course Christmas lunch on a week day with plenty of space and tolerance for a toddler to act like a toddler.
But also tasted like it was priced, very much like the meals you get that are mass catered for work christmas parties.
It was what I was expecting so probably warrants a 6/10
New Thing 40 : Below Stairs Cocktail Bar
Slightly hidden, slightly prohibition style bar without being too themey.
I don’t know a lot about cocktails but the menu was pretty elaborate and that’s enough to impress me.
Unfortunately no images as I feel like a knob taking venue photos when I’m not alone. I did sneak a drink photo though.
10/10 from me and you don’t have to take my word for it as Trip Advisor says everyone else also loves it
New Thing 41 :Roxy Ball Room (Boar Lane)
So much fun! We went here after the Below Stairs cocktails and played shuffle boards and table tennis. They also had beer pong, basketball hoops, pool tables.
9/10 as I am unfairly knocking a point off because I was drunk and wanted the deep fried mac and cheese balls but the kitchen had already closed.
New Thing 42 : Sukhothaiin Leeds
Quite an obsessive preoccupation with keeping your table clean and glass topped up at all times. Yummy though.
8/10 (mostly as I’ve used the other ratings too many times)
New Thing 43 : Solo Sleepover at Oulton Hall
Child free night, massive bed to myself, salt scrub and facial in the spa, lots of wine and magazines and chocolate. So good.
I did drink a little inappropriately too much for someone in a bar alone and then giggled at random things like a weirdo, but I had fun so 9/10 (point deducted as I made poor ordering decisions at dinner time).
New Thing 44 : Christmas Eve at The IvyLeeds
It’s the same menu and food at all of the sites and it is always good. But on Christmas Eve there is a disproportionate amount of sequins and even a fair few Christmas head boppers on adults which I enjoyed.
I was drunk when I went to the toilets and got too excited about the wallpaper and made a video of it. According to their Facebook page it is a bespoke gold leaf floral wallpaper, even on the ceiling.
10/10 from this drunken luxury toilet fan.
New Thing 45 : Royal Oak Pub at Great Ayton
Acceptable pub which is only on the list as I was scraping the barrell to hit 52 New Things and 2021 was severely Covid restricted so here it is.
6/10 if you sit in the boring extension at the back
8/10 if you get seated by the fire in the old pub and the waiter who naturally personifies Captain Jack Sparrow serves you.
Here is a photo of the walk we did immediately before the pub, which I am not technically allowed to call A New Thing as I did it in 2018.
New Thing 46 : Halloween at Blenheim Palace
All kinds of spooky set ups and Halloween actors walking around. Really fun and even open fire pits with huge marshmallows to toast.
Unrelated but Emily stayed in her pushchair so I didn’t have to carry her which was a massive bonus
10/10
New Thing 47 : Fireworks at Monk Fryston5
5/10 why no bonfire on bonfire night? In a huge open space!
Potentially an unfair scoring as we didn’t stay for the main event and only saw the early children’s fireworks display. My blog, my rules.
New Thing 48 : Spire Hospital
Getting high off your face on ketamine and being sliced open but also getting some really good catering is too confusing to rate. There is a bigger blog to make here, but the short story is to not grow a massive cyst in your ovary.
New Thing 49 : Carvery at Silkwood Farm
Confusing bar staff / food ordering ticket situation 4/10
Novelty of going to a carvery for the first time in 20 years 10/10
Actual food 6/10
New Thing 50 : Lingholm Estate
The childhood holiday home of Beatrix Potter with excellent brunch and the original Mr Mcgregors walled garden.
Even the Covid enforced outdoor eating situation didn’t piss me off as we had beautiful views across the gardens and mountains.
They even had alpaca walks, quad biking, woodland walks and the Catbells mountain next door.
10/10
New Thing 51 : Wishing Well Pub
We ordered a ham pizza and were given a bacon pizza with red leicester and it was terrible.
I then had the worst soft play experience of my life. I have never known such an overwhelming smell of children’s feet, I have never wanted to shower so badly. I have never wanted to get away from children so badly.
My rating -1/10
Emily’s rating 10/10
I now understand how some parents have such an enthusiastic hatred of soft play.
New Thing 52 : Crossgates Father Christmas
Santa Claus:
1. Said Emily had a beautiful mummy
2. Was fully on board with the Gentle Parenting hatred of “naughty lists”
3. The most enthusiastic man you could possibly meet outside of Poundland and Cash Converters
1001/10 to end on a high (…and also mostly due to point 1 if I’m honest)
TLDR : more a dinner place than a lazy lunch, but very tasty.
This was a last minute Father’s Day booking after our plans to go hiking were ruined by the rain.
I’d normally pick a cosy pub to visit with my Dad so this exposed brick, converted warehouse wasn’t my first choice. I personally thought it was more suited to an evening meal than a chilled out lunch, however the food was excellent.
We both had the Sunday roast with beer and some bread to nibble on. It was a sun-dried tomato and parsnip bread with a marmite butter so although it was tasty I feel like you don’t need to mess with bread so a little unnecessary for the sake of being fancy.
The roast itself was delicious, the meat comes from Sykes House Farm who are a local butcher that also stock Michelin star restaurants. Nice big Yorkshire pudding and all the good stuff.
For dessert I had a chocolate brownie with an iced miso sorbet type thing. I love miso and any kind of salty chocolate mix so this was good for me.
Rating this a 9 out of 10, with one point unfairly knocked off because I fancied somewhere more chilled out for Sunday lunch.
TLDR : maybe it is crap, maybe I am not cultured enough for modern art.
I appreciate I didn’t give The Tetley a good review so I maybe should have learned my lesson and given up on modern art. However it was Father’s Day and raining so options were limited.
The Henry Moore Institute is apparently “one of the most important galleries in the country” according to Leeds List, who lie, and presumably don’t leave Leeds. Henry Moore himself is a sculpture artist who has made some interesting work, unfortunately Henry Moore’s work never ended up at the Henry Moore Institute.
No thanks grain tanks
As you can see at the top image some grain tanks ended up there, representing over farming. Except they didn’t really do anything with them, they were just grain tanks, which was pretty underwhelming.
Ek The idea of the current exhibits is that they are moveable – and the grain tanks are technically moveable. However they require an HGV and heavy machinery to move so they don’t exactly fit the brief and I didn’t quite understand why they were there.
Actual moveable art
Inside they had a piece of wood, the story behind it was that the artist left her family behind in Europe in the 1930s to move to America. Whilst living in New York she wasn’t able to see them so she carved wood to remind herself of them. So it fits the brief of people moving and is also an object that can be moved.
But still, it is very much just wood, that looks a lot like wood (and presumably not remotely like her family) so it was a bit of a stretch for my imagination.
Keeping it real
The artist behind this piece was saying something about how children’s toys are garish and take over your life. And whilst I have never sympathised with a piece of artwork more, I also feel there could maybe be a little more meaning to the work?
It just seems strange to me that someone could think, ah fuck these toys are annoying me, then sew some massive sheets of fabric together and blow some air in it and get it into a “very important gallery”.
And yet a trendy looking twenty year old definitely stared at it thoughtfully for a good ten minutes, so what do I know.
Art with actual meaning
There were a few pieces of work which were all suitcases with tiny sculptures in, reflecting the artist’s own experience of leaving Syria as a refugee.
Looking at them closely there was meaning to each piece and it was very intricate. It also fit the brief of the exhibition, I just expected more art that was relevant and interesting to look at and had some real meaning to it.
Rating : although it was a bit crap I’m giving it 3 out of 10. 1 point for being free, 1 point for the guy dedicated to staring at a blow up toy for 10 minutes and 1 point for having one interesting piece of art.
I’m not an art person but I can definitely be enticed out by a good brunch menu.
I was intending to go to the Henry Moore sculpture museum in Leeds, which is apparently a Very Important Museum if you are into art. I do not know about art but I do know that the idea of steak for breakfast feels very Americanly excessive and I am into that.
So here I am eating steak for breakfast at an art museum. Also someone decided to create a new word for cortado as maybe cortado doesn’t sound Italian enough and Piccolo makes the hipsters happy? I don’t know, but here is a piccolo (aka cortado).
Steak was good, coffee was good, egg was good. I was high maintenance and swapped out the chips (too early) for a hash brown (appropriate) but I would technically class this as a potato rosti.
I also feel the need to point out that I did not massacre a plate of tasty food by stripey smattering ketchup across the whole thing. That was some kind of chipotle type sauce from the chef and it was also good.
This isn’t just a post about how fussy I am regarding food and drink presentation and terminology.
I did actually visit a gallery as well. Here is some evidence:
My information on this is that an art student asked some different groups to make them a chair and then put the chairs together and here it is. UNITY IS POWER. I may have missed the point.
The rest of the museum did have a point of mental health, the artist did a collaborative sculpture / audio / art / written piece approach to time spent at mental health institutions gathering information.
The take home point I got was : men are shit.
Example 1:
Next up we have chaotic piano music pumping out to signify gradually declining mental health as your family drive you insane. Unsurprisingly the phone had a male voice saying things that would drive you insane.
After this an elaborate tale of how men fuck up your life.
But don’t worry, the (ex) wife eventually had a brief period of happiness before death.
Moral of the story, don’t marry men.
And other than some video / audio extras that was it. It’s a very small gallery (but free entry).
So I’m giving the gallery a 6 out of 10
Steak for breakfast 5 out of 10
Bacon is a British breakfast food because it makes much more sense than steak.
I toyed with the idea of forgetting the whole diary section of my blog and waiting till I’m having a bad day and just going waaaaahhhhh fuck my life / oh and here is a charity shop buy. But then I remembered I had some cute Eureka photos I want to show off so back to the diary thing.
Friday 14th June we went to Eureka. You pay for an adult and you get in for free for a year. Babies under one are free anyways and babies over one (who I refuse to call toddlers as this is scarily close for my baby and I can’t let go) cost money. But for some reason if you take your under one baby and go once they are over one you don’t have to pay. Excellent. Get yourselves to Eureka almost one year old babies. Bargains ahoy.
So there were three under 5s zones. The first was the sound garden featured above with a padded area for non walking babies to be safe from devilish toddlers and many signs to this effect. Did a single toddler walk past the safe baby zone without hurtling themselves into it? Of course not. How many shits did the mothers give? Absolutely zero. So I had to sit inside it with her as a human shield.
Here are a couple of photos from the sound garden, because it was nicely photographable and I bothered to put lipstick on so I’m going to upload a selfie:
Then the second under 5s bit was the discover zone. It kind of felt like my very vague memories of my old nursery. A table to cut / colour / create, a sand pit and a corner with rugs and puppets and cushions and toys. I just lay myself down there like a very lazy woman. The mothers at the table having to humour their small people and shit artwork kept looking at me. I’m not sure if they were judging me for lying down or jealous. I did a puppet show for Emily until I realised she really wasn’t watching and just wanted to bash the water bottles around. Could have done that at home really.
Next up was a desert themed something. Probably fun if you’re five. Emily was too busy to pose here:
Then we wandered around the non baby specific bits. A flashing lights section which was a bit trippy and a member of staff kept coming over to say Eh-Oh in the style of a teletubby to Emily. Quite alarming. Very awkward.
Then we went around the human body bit which is the most interesting. They had a screen which showed the hottest parts on you when you stand in front of it. It showed up that Emily is a human furnace. Which I knew already. Weirdly my crotch was a hot zone. I have a super hot crotch, can’t believe I’m single with an asset like that. I was quite glad the place was empty. I swiftly moved on to the giant tongue for a photo opp:
I think that was all that was note worthy. Other than the fact I skipped lunch and got excited walking up to see an M&S Food only to realise its all fucking plastic. Instead I got the £2.50 coffee and cake after 2pm offer from the cafe even though it was 1.50pm because I obviously look poor / desperate for cake.
So it gave us something to do for the afternoon. I’m not quite sure if Emily enjoyed it as she has developed a resting disinterested face at the moment. It’s quite funny watching people try their very hardest to get a smile out of her when we are out and she just poker faces them. It makes people feel awkward. It’s funny.
That’s all I can add other than that there is a massive sand pit outside which was fun:
Cars are bastards. You look after them and love them and use them as cribs to gently lull your precious one to sleep and then the bastards get to 100k miles and demand a new cambelt. Bastards. They don’t care that you’re on the last portion of maternity leave with ZERO income and your husband just left you. They just demand a new cambelt anyway.
Anyway I went to VW as they gave me a new Polo for the day which was fun but a basic car and I think I’d rather have my six year old Golf over a new Polo because it is actually nicer. The Polo feels like a little tin can when you shut the door and there was nowhere to rest my left arm and I had to use a hand break like some kind of flintstones character. Absolutely bloody outrageous. And yes I’m a bit of a twat.
So getting myself and a baby to Leeds through rush hour to arrive at Elland Road before 9am was nothing short of traumatic. I had to recover with a McDonald’s breakfast (sausage and egg mcmuffin, flat white and hash brown). Then we headed on down to Leeds Royal Armories. Here is a photo essay as I don’t really have any comments to add other than I like armoured elephants and Emily likes the actor telling the Beowolf story.
Then we had a wander around the gift shop. I do like me a museum gift shop. They had a rather good selection of books for girls and older feminists:
I almost went with the ‘girls can do anything’ but thought it was a bit patronising. Emily was born assuming that girls can do what boys can do so it seems a bit weird buying a book to say so. Instead I went for a story where a Princess and Queen are basically trolling a dragon together when the Princess dresses like a Knight and they have joint lolz as they trick him into leaving. It’s like Gilmore Girls of the dragon era. I like it.
Then a wander around the Leeds Docks area
And back to the car when I realised I had just stepped over into three hours parking territory which is annoying at £2.50 per hour.
Then we went to the absolute luxury of Asda cafe on York Road *intense sarcasm it is a hell hole*. Which is near Emily’s dad’s office so that she could see him. Her father informed me how often the police are there because of in Asda fights. How jolly. I clutched Emily to me a little closer.
Whilst there I ate a pizza slice, coke, chips and hot dog.
I had two hours to kill so obviously took a little detour to Temple Coffee the land of overpriced donuts and trendy hipsters.
And we picked up the car, departed £600 lighter and went on our merry way.
EmilyBea&Me 